Lovin it

Love hate and hope

2005-07-21T19:10:00.000-07:00

I love the earth the sky the good lord above. But for the weirdest reasoneverything I loved so dearly is taken away. My friends always ask me why I don't tell them secrets and its beacause if I let them get to close I know some how some way they will get torn out of my life. I know it sounds weird but its true.(please don't make me go into details!) No one is close to me in my life and I don't regret it when people try I push away I just can't let them in no matter how hard I try. THats why I'm a nature girl, I talk to my pets the flowers anything unless its human.

I don't hate but I dislike the peolpe in the world that can't understand the way people feel for one another, or how they express themsevles. I mean If I was gay does that make me any different when you thought I was straight? No! people love each other for who they are do not make them question their own beliefs so they will change to yours.

I have hope for the future that I may meet some one special to me. That he might love me for who I am and will not break his promise or contridict what he has said. I will wait for him Even If I die before he finds me.

Does the moon feel pain?

2005-06-18T18:39:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't up dated in a long time. Any ways this summer I went to Florida with a couple of my friends expecting it to all be fun and games. But it was the total opposite. It was back stabbing, name calling week, and sadly my best friend got hit the most.

Its a long story and I don't want to go into detail, but to sum it up its about dating and who liked who. Well needless to say I have lost a dear friend in this mix up. I don't really feel ashamed of losing him, but there's like this huge part that's missing. And it hurts to lose someone especially your friends that you take what they say to heart.

Well as we came home on our tiny continental airplane (theirs two seats on one side and one on the other) I sat alone and stared out the window at the moon, hugging my stuffed dalmation I've since I was four. And I cried. I cried that I lost a Friend, I cried that I haven't done my part in this world, I cried that I haven't got to say my good byes before people left to the great oblivion. The moon sat there and listened to my pains, it didn't criticize or try to under stand, it just listened and I cried and cried with all my friends around and none of them knowing that I sat there with a pain in my heart that was so strong I wished the moon would just take me away from the world and I could be up in heaven with out the pain that this world hands me almost everyday.

And worst of all that pains me is that I cannot express myself to my friends and family because I just can't. I don't want them to ask if your alright and everything I want them to leave me alone when I cry. I've never cried on my mom's or dad's shoulder, it has always been alone with My dalmation or out side looking at the moon. Even on the trip when my best friend asked me a question, I wiped my eyes took a deep breath and turned around with a smile and said what, She asked if I was alright sitting alone and I said yes and turned around and cried that could not even express my feelings to my best friend.

I can hide my feelings so well that even when I was avoiding My one friend, he didn't know and I talked to my best friend and she said she didn't notice. But after I told her I was she could see it faintly that I was. I can make it seem like I'm not avoiding him when I am and she said it was amazing how subtle I could do it with out any of them noticing that I never walked by him, talked to him, or acknowledged him. I could make it seem like I was totally fine with him even though I was disgusted with him.

Does the moon (god) feel my pain?

Guys! They need help!

2005-05-30T21:04:00.000-07:00

My friend recently-mailed a hate letter to her ex-boyfriend, mainly because he broke up with her and after they broke up he makes sexist comments about her. It's like he is a totally new person! I used to like him but now all I see is some perv who won't let my best friend alone.

Guys really need help! Before you date them their all happy and when you date them they change. Why? I don't know but it's very annoying. I don't want to talk to him but I know I should tell him to lay off the comments. And tell him to get psychological help, and learn to restrain himself from saying those comments, especially if they're not dating! Worst of all I'm going on a trip with him and my other best friend and I know he'll want to talk about it and it will ruin my trip. Please Help! Tips of any kind on what to do!

Missing You

2005-05-21T08:50:00.000-07:00

Recently my best friend in the whole world moved to Florida. Which is about two days driving stright there with out stopping. We used to hang out out every weekend to matter what. She even came to family birthday parties.

Well now shes coming for a month this summer and I'm worried if she has changed. I loved Her, as a sister, and I don't want her to change. I miss her so much but what if shes changed to the point that I don't know her anymore? I hope she hasn't, but there is always the possibillty.

Life...Is short

2005-05-20T10:39:00.000-07:00

This year was our last year in the middle (middle is 6th-8th). And it hit me at our last choir perfomance that the teachers that have taught me won't be with me anymore. I won't see Mrs. Daake, Mrs. B, or Mr. Steager any more. I started to cry, I don't want to go high school! I want to stay with my teachers and friends that I have grown to love. I don't want to growup, but I can't prevent that from happening.

When I think of the future all I can do is cry. To go to college may be fun, but leaving my friends, moving out from home. I can't deal with it. Life is very short and I wish I could stay the same age forever. Sadly I can't and I can't stop the future from coming.